Healthy Living by Willow Creek Springs
A podcast about practices to promote healthy lives featuring experts, businesses, and clients: we gather to share our stories about success, failure, exploration, and so much more. Our subscription episodes feature some personal and vulnerable, real-life stories that are sensitive to some of the general public.
Healthy Living by Willow Creek Springs
From Death's Door to God's Path: A Cancer Healing Journey
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Living with aggressive head and neck cancer transforms every aspect of your existence—your relationship with time, your priorities, and even your understanding of healing itself. In this deeply personal journal entry, I share the remarkable progress in my ongoing cancer journey, where the tumor has finally shrunk enough to allow neck movement and pain levels have dropped dramatically.
The physical battle brings daily challenges: extreme weight loss (down 80 pounds to levels I haven't seen since junior high), chemotherapy side effects requiring constant adaptation, and the delicate balance of maintaining enough strength while restricting cancer-feeding nutrients. Yet the most profound insights have come from beyond the physical realm.
Through extended meditation and internal spiritual work, I've developed an unexpected ability to access what I describe as the "quantum world"—a state where healing happens at an energetic level before manifesting physically. This perspective has shown me that recovery isn't about finding one magic cure but discovering the unique combination of therapies that works for your specific situation.
Financial realities create another layer of complexity. Despite generous support through fundraisers and direct donations, medical expenses continue mounting while my ability to work remains limited. This precarious position has deepened my surrender, living fully "in God's hands" and trusting that necessary support will arrive when truly needed.
What's emerging from this difficult journey is absolute clarity about my life's purpose. This experience, despite its challenges, is transforming my spiritual walk into a concrete path of service. I know with certainty that my future involves helping others through their healing journeys, using these hard-won insights to make a difference in ways I couldn't have imagined before cancer entered my life.
Intro for podcast
Here is the link for Sunday's 4 pm Pacific time Zoom meeting
Well, hello and welcome back to the Healthy Living Podcast. I'm your host, joe Grumbine, and this is another subscriber addition to the podcast, and I really want to thank everybody who has supported this subscriber section. I know that I've been recording a lot of content, but if you know me as the host, I am dealing with healing with cancer very aggressive head and neck squamous cell carcinoma and this is really my journal where I'm documenting the experience in real time. Experience in real time and the amount of activity, the things that have happened, the layers of effort that are gone into this are so complex that I'm sure the only way that I can really capture this, aside from videotaping and I don't have the skill or wherewithal to do that is the way I'm doing it and I'm confident that, if not any other reason, but so that I have a record of this, it will be valuable. I'll be able to go back and relive this journey and learn everything that can be learned from it, or at least everything that I can learn, and hopefully some of you will find the same. I realize that, as this has become my life's work, all of my energy has gone to this project of healing myself, of becoming whole after coming to the edge of death's door and I completely understand that. It's almost unfathomable that anybody could spend even some amount of time catching up on this. And, that being said, I want thank karina ryan for recently subscribing, and all the other subscribers I do throw out names from time to time because it matters with people that are helping make this show possible. I I've required to update even the subscription so that I can carry the content that I'm putting out, and it's got a lot of value. We're getting more and more guests. More and more subscriber content will be put out. That's not just this journal, and I am confident that it's got the value that I seek it to. The value that I seek it to, it's about the last time when I left off, I had made a pretty profound breakthrough and I had met the dealt with the shower and the big scab had come off.
Speaker 1:Anyways, I had a lot of progress. The tumor has shrunk and it's shrunk enough that I am able to move my neck. It's shrunk enough that I am able to move my neck. The pain has gone from what I call a 4, most of you might call a 9, down to what I call a .2. It's uncomfortable, but not keeping me awake at night anymore. Now, the side effects of the chemo I have to drink a ton of water and so I'm drinking a ton of water and having to get up and pee a lot, but that's what's keeping me awake, more than the pain. I have experienced some profound things and I want to try to keep my head clear enough to follow this line. I was going to do this in a couple of episodes, but I think I can do it in
Speaker 1:one. The first thing is, again, I recognize that even the subscribers some of you are listening religiously and keeping up to speed. Some of you are tapping in once in a while. I think most of you listen to one and you go. Okay, I see what's going on. I know you all have lives and I don't expect or even hope that you're going to listen to all of this. I just hope that you find some value in it. I hope that you're going to listen to all of this. I just hope that you find some value in it. I hope that you find some inspiration. I hope that maybe you find a way to better your life or seek to better somebody else's life, or maybe find yourself closer to God or whatever the way that you can benefit from this. That's why I'm doing
Speaker 1:it. The other side of this is I have a very complicated layer of things that I'm doing, and they're complicated not only in the amount of things that I'm doing, and that has to do with practices and supplements and you know, things that I all the different things I'm doing to keep myself improving and keep myself from falling backwards. They take all my energy. I have had to let go of everything. I am 100% and I can't say this with any more. I don't know sincerity. I am truly in God's hands right now. Sincerity, I am truly in God's hands right
Speaker 1:now. I have ways to make money, but I don't have the energy to put towards it. I have ways to run my nonprofit, but very little energy to put towards it. I have things I could do in a lot of arenas, but all my energy has to go towards my healing. And I have a lot of people who care and the people who set up the fundraiser, the people who have been checking in. There's a core team of you probably a dozen or so that are just my true angels that are as aware of everything as can be, and even you, I have to say I can't give you the details unless you're right there when something's happening. Everybody who has been truly in my life on a day-to-day you know, sometimes multiple times a day. You guys are the most aware of what's happening and everybody else. I'm doing the best I
Speaker 1:can. And it's funny because you know this is a physical battle and I don't even want to call it a battle. It's a, because this is a physical battle. I don't even want to call it a battle. It's a physical experience, it's a spiritual experience, it's an energetic experience. It's happening on all levels and that's where the healing is coming from. It's not any one
Speaker 1:thing. And yet, day after day, I have people sending me videos about this guy who says this thing and has this answer and all you got to do is eat this fruit or take these pills and do this combination and it will kill all cancers and this and that, and it's all bullshit. It doesn't mean that it doesn't work. It just means that it won't necessarily work for me or you or anybody else. Everybody's situation is so unique and everybody's situation is the complete collection of all their efforts that they're doing, and I cannot stress this enough. This is the key to all of this information, and when we talk about a holistic approach, that's what this is. It's the whole. There's no answer. There's
Speaker 1:no. Cannabis doesn't cure cancer. I mean it can If you happen to have the cure that cannabis cures. The diet will cure cancer? Well, it will if you catch it in time and you get the right one. There's all the things, the repurposed drugs. You don't need this. You have to do
Speaker 1:this. What ends up being is the thing that will help you, or the series, or the combination of things that will help you. Is the combination of things that will help you, and I have found the combination of things that will help you. Is the combination of things that will help you, and I have found the combination of things that are helping me. Does that mean that I could push a little harder on one thing or more Absolutely? But remember, one of the factors is how much energy do we have to put towards the
Speaker 1:thing? And so every time somebody comes and calls me up and says how are you doing? I love them and I'm grateful that they're doing that and I say I'm doing better, and if you want the details, it's in the podcast, and I almost feel bad about that, but I really don't, because they don't mean bad and I don't mean bad. We're both doing what we can. We're both showing some caring and kindness and consideration in the way that we have. Can everybody give me what I need? Hell no. Can I give anybody what they need right now? Probably not. But we're all doing what we can and I think that's important. When I say I'm truly living in God's hands, I'm living in God's time. I am not pushing on
Speaker 1:anything. I just know what's working and I'm doing those things the best I can, and that's what I'm sharing with you and I'm hoping that it makes sense. I'm even going to subscribe to my own podcast so that I could share it with somebody who doesn't feel like paying $3 a month if they wanted to hear a sample or whatnot. I'm going to do it myself, even just because I think it's important that this is available. I look at this like a lighthouse, and if it is a beacon that shines, I don't ever want somebody to say, well, I couldn't access it because I didn't have $3. And so we're going to figure it out to say, well, I couldn't access it because I didn't have three bucks, and so we're going to figure it
Speaker 1:out. So that's kind of the deal with the day-to-day things. I get calls all the time and you know I always answer back. You know I'm doing better or it's rough. It's a roller coaster. Right now it's a frigging giant roller coaster and the last time I think we talked I had a big high and a big low and but subsequently I'm not letting the highs get too high and as exuberant as I am with some of you who really share your time and energy with me, I spend more time sharing what's happening with those people and when I do it's a great high. I love to do that, but it takes a lot of energy to do that and then afterward I take some rest and that's been taking its
Speaker 1:toll. So with the chemotherapy, one of the side effects I have to deal with is potential kidney damage, so I have to drink a lot of water. One of the side effects I potentially have to deal with is attacking my mouth and mucous membranes and that started to happen, started to develop a little bit of sores in my mouth and started to develop a little bit of sores in my mouth and I've been swishing with ozonated glycerin. That helps Chlorine dioxide, that helps Baking soda water and I just recently got some buffered saline and I have good information that that's a really good way to move forward. So I bought a bunch of packs of that and I'm going to continue swishing with that. Hopefully I can keep that in check because I've been able to
Speaker 1:eat. But the problem is nausea is definitely a problem and I'm considering consuming a little more cannabis, even though the doses I was taking was harmful. I think I may vape a little bit just to help with the nausea a little bit. I don't want to smoke a lot because my lungs have gotten so clear Since I stopped smoking. It's made a big difference. And is it the cannabis? Is it all the oxygen therapy? I have no way to know. I just know that I spent a lifetime of lung problems and now I don't have lung problems and I am not smoking anymore, and now I don't have lung problems and I am not smoking anymore, and so I'm considering a little bit of
Speaker 1:that. So far, the problem with the nausea is that the side effect, in my opinion, is worse than the problem. So the side effect is potentially constipation and headaches, and I have been blessed not to have headaches. I do never want headaches, I do not like headaches and I'll do anything to avoid them. Number one. And I'm not going to get into another drug cocktail of I got to take this to get that and that to do that. I'm not going down that road. This to get that and that to do that, I'm not going down that road. And the other side effect is constipation and frankly, I had one bout of that after the chemo and I'm pretty confident it was because of the nausea medication they gave me with the chemo and I do not want to go through that again and so I'm doing everything I can to avoid that. So the nausea that I've been facing with and I'm confident it's because of all the practices I'm doing that are mitigating this Remember, I fasted before and after the chemotherapy for the purpose of that and it's like a mild seasickness and I have not thrown up. I'm hoping not to, because I don't want to start putting, you know, stomach acid up in my esophagus and all the nightmare that that turns into. So so far I've been able to mitigate it. I'm drinking some mint tea and some ginger and just trying to be mellow and not have that
Speaker 1:problem. But it's been rough and as a result, unfortunately, I discovered this morning that I lost more weight and I got down to 140.6. And I haven't weighed that probably since junior high school. And you know, when I began this journey and I was, you know, 50 pounds overweight, I was 221 pounds. I'm now 80 pounds less than that and I have nothing left to lose and that's an issue. So, if you know, my diet is a methionine restricted diet and I talk a lot about methionine and methionine restriction and there's many episodes with Dr Hoffman that deal with that and we have a whole Sunday call about all that. But the point is cancer loves methionine and I don't want to give it any. And when your body starts to consume its own muscles, it will release methionine that cancer can consume and I'm doing everything I can to keep that from happening. So I have a medical food that I take that has all the aminos besides methionine in it and I, just when I got that wake up call today, I was like crap. So that calls on a whole nother issue that we'll get to in a bit, but that's something I'm reckoning with right now. I don't want to lose any more weight. I need to start exercising again. I think my port is healed enough that I can start to exercise. Just with the nausea I haven't felt like moving much and so I've been lethargic and anybody who knows me that's not like me, but it's been me lately and I'm trying to take the effort to heal
Speaker 1:Now. The positive side of this is I have activated in some way and I think it's a gift that I've been given as a result of all this but I've activated the ability to access the quantum world in meditation and all my life I've lived a spiritual life. I've walked with God. I've been attacked by spiritual entities since I was a youngster as a result and not that I ever wanted that, but I've dealt with it. I've dealt with spiritual attacks ever since I don't know probably 10 years old, that I can remember, and I've always sought to meditate and pray and I've always struggled with it. I've always struggled to quiet my mind. I've always struggled to visualize things clearly. I'm a huge visionary and that means I can see the big picture more clearly than the small picture in a fine focus and in my meditations I might spend a long time breathing and resting, relaxing and doing the whole thing and maybe get a glimpse of a vision, you know, a glimpse of a candle flame or something out of focus, very vague, or just out of the corner of my eye, something clear for a second. I've always struggled with that and since all of this experience, with the many sessions of plant medicines and all of this major internal journey that I've been on, most recently in the last several days, I found myself slipping into a place that was, if I can, I can parallel to being in a plant medicine state where you are experiencing what I call the quantum world. It's like you're in a microscopic world, but instead of being in a journey where you're present and not really sure what's happening. I have been able to look at it and maybe even manipulate it, and I've had some interesting conversations with a medicine woman that is guiding me through this. But I'm so very grateful. I believe it's going to be very helpful in my healing and maybe in helping others heal in the future. Very helpful in my healing and maybe in helping others heal in the future. I don't know how much of this I'll share publicly, but I just wanted to share that I believe I've been given a beautiful gift through all of this
Speaker 1:Recently. Last night, things have reduced to the point where I was actually able to sleep on the side that the tumor is on. Now, remember this tumor had gotten so big that I couldn't move. I was in constant pain. I was literally at death's door. I am confident I was not that far away from my last breath if things would have continued in the road that they were on. I don't know how close I was, maybe I was a day, a week, an hour. I just I don't know. But I know I was closer than I've ever been, closer than I would want to be again, and I believe that today I have taken many steps away from
Speaker 1:that. And last night I was able to sleep on the side that I haven't slept on in four months and I dreamt in ways I haven't dreamt in at least that long, and the dreams were powerful and the dreams showed me the path that I'm on, and the path is a good one and I am on the road to health. It doesn't have anything to do with what I have to do to get there and I don't know, it's kind of crazy stuff, but in the quantum world things can happen before they happen in the physical world and you know thinking and believing and knowing, and altering energies and frequencies, and all of these things can affect the quantum world where everything's connected, where we are all together and we're all one. There is a place like that. I've seen it, I've been it I. Yet in the world where we're all visible to each other remember, on a molecular level, we're mostly open air, we're mostly empty space. The particle amount of our being is infinitesimal compared to the part that's not. And that's where this whole quantum thing if you start to look at how does it actually work, it gets
Speaker 1:complicated. And so I know I've been shown that I've already healed myself. I am healed, but the body has to catch up. And if I don't do the work and if I don't walk the walk and I don't do what it takes, it doesn't have to catch up. It can go a different route. But the path has been laid. The road is getting wider and I believe I'm on it, but that doesn't make it easier and that doesn't make it more pleasant and that doesn't make it more perilous. The problem with cancer is when you get the upper hand on it. As weakened as it might be, it is so adaptable and if you give it anything to fall back on, it will not only come back, but it'll come back stronger, meaner and maybe unstoppable, and I cannot let that happen and that's where my focus will remain until this thing is done and out of me. I just have to keep this thing going and that gets
Speaker 1:to. You know sort of the complications of things. You know we've raised some money with the fundraiser. I'm super grateful for everybody that has contributed. But that sort of fell flat for a while and you know the people that are taking care of it have done an amazing job and you know I can't expect them to be beating the drum for me constantly. It's hard enough for me to beat the drum for my damn self constantly, much less asking anybody else to do it. But the truth is I still haven't paid my deductible. We came up with a $4,000 payment for the port. I was able to cover that and that's that was amazing. But there's still, you know, $16,000 of deductible I haven't paid, or whatever the portion. I've been paying some copayments as I'm going along. So I'm sure that's knocking it down
Speaker 1:some. But the other side of it is, you know, I still have this dental stuff that I got to deal with, should I have the need. No matter what happens, this chemo is affecting my teeth or it's trying to, and if I end up needing to get radiation which I don't believe I will, but I am willing to do what it takes to solve this and if it came to that, I will face that when it comes. And I still have a tooth that needs to be dealt with. And I don't know if any of you even know, but I had gotten a bunch of teeth fixed before and got a bunch of crowns put on and everything was good until one of them popped off, and since that time it's been about a year and every few days I have to glue the thing back on. But since I've started this chemo, I've noticed that the what's, you know, the, the nub of the tooth that the crown sits on, is eroding some, and I'm going to have to do something else with that. And I don't have any dental insurance and I don't have any money, and so that's another thing that I may have to deal with and figure
Speaker 1:out. And you know, the crazy thing is that you know people have been so very generous. I have the ability to make money. We have a company, I make products. I just don. People have been so very generous. I have the ability to make money. We have a company, I make products. I just don't have any energy to put to the company to sell these products and, little by little, a handful of people are helping, keeping me afloat, putting some orders in. My wife and I are still handling the orders that come in, handling the orders that come
Speaker 1:in. I have a lot of possibilities, a lot of potential. We have a non-profit. We can generate resources. I have some people working on some grants and we have a lot of capability, but I don't have the energy to put towards it and that's the part that I gotta say is the hardest. So people have donated through the fundraiser and people have donated things. I've received a gas card, I've received donations on the side, people have handed me cash, people have handed me medicine, they've handed me supplements. They've been so very generous in so many ways and I even have some people that I am confident if I had a specific need today and I really needed it, they would probably help me out. But things like this enzyme, this methioninase, that can help me to eat more of the foods that I'm not allowing myself to eat, they're very expensive and I'm literally floating in God's hands right
Speaker 1:now. I don't, I'm not going to ask anybody for
Speaker 1:anything. I'm not going to reach out and say, hey, I need this one
Speaker 1:thing. Unless there was a thing that would most definitely make the difference between my life and death, my life and death. I just I believe I'm in a place where I'm going to get what I need and I, the people that are going to be part of it, are going to be part of it, and I'm so very grateful for everybody and everything they've done, everything from the Reiki, the prayers, the calls, the visits, the meals, just everything, all the love and kindness. And I do truly still believe not still more than ever that, as difficult as this is and has been, this is bringing my dreams to life. My walk with God has turned into a life of service. I know that the rest of my life will be dedicated to helping the people that need it in the way that I can, and I will be living in that life, and this is an expression of that. So I thank everybody who's participated. I hope I haven't rambled too much and I hope this hasn't gone too long, but I'm just so very grateful. All right, we'll see you next time.
